Self-Development Book Club - The Let Them Theory

Book number three in my goal to read or reread a self-development book every month in 2025 is The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins.

First, you should know that I love Mel Robbins. She is known for taking complicated subjects and boiling them down to make them easy to understand. Her delivery is clear, sincere, and brutally honest. I used to watch a lot of TED talks and that is when I first heard of Mel Robbins. She delivered a TED Talk in 2011 that I loved. She talks about it in the beginning of this book, and her recollection made me chuckle. I will link her TED talk HERE, and if you don't currently watch TED talks, check them out. They are awesome!!!!

Now, I watch/listen to her podcast, sometimes on YouTube and sometimes on Apple Podcast. She is great.

Watch Me Discuss This Book

Summary

It is no surprise to me that I loved this book. I'm a fan of self-development/inspirational books, and this one did not disappoint. I confess that I often start a self-development book with excitement and usually enjoy the first half, but the second half sometimes feels like the author is dragging out the discussion, repeating themselves, or offering little useable content to increase their page count. I did not feel like this at all with this book. The content riveted me throughout the entire book, and I even felt like some of the best takeaways came in the second half.

I sat down to read this book, armed with book darts and my favorite pencil. I ended up marking 20 pages with book darts and made an estimated 100 underlines, circles, and notes in the margins. While I like to mark up books, especially self-development books, this was a lot for me. But I felt like every few pages, there was something worthy of noting!

What does Let Them mean? It starts with letting go of trying to control other people. "Let people be who they are, or feel what they feel, or think what they think..." p 19. It does not mean we ghost people or offer no support to friends or family in need. But it does mean that we come to terms with the fact that there are many things we have no control over.

While not in the title, there is a second part to the Let Them Theory, and that is Let Me. "When you say Let Me, you take responsibility for what YOU do next." p.45

When you put these two statements together, you allow others to live their lives as they see fit, and you do the same for yourself.

Mel Robbins did a lot of research to write this book. She isn't simply sharing her thoughts but provides real data from scientific research. The bibliography in this book lists over 150 resources, yet it doesn't feel like a research paper. Robbins gives many heart-felt and embarrassingly honest examples from her own experiences. She does not hold back in telling stories about her life, which made me honestly evaluate similar situations that have occurred in my life. Sometimes, I patted myself on the back for my emotional intelligence in a given situation, and other times, I could see where I completely dropped the ball.

There is no way I can break down everything in this book, but I will give a quick rundown of the chapter titles so you can get an idea of where this book goes.

You and the Let Them Theory

Managing Stress

Fearing Other People's Opinions

Dealing with Someone Else's Emotional Reactions

Overcoming Chronic Comparison

Your Relationships and the Let Them Theory

Mastering Adult Friendships (and I think this pertains to adult family relationships too)

Motivating Other People to Change

Helping Someone Who Is Struggling

Choosing the Love You Deserve

Appendix including information on How to Apply Let Them to Parenting and How to Apply Let Them to Teams

Favorite Quotes

I marked so many good lines in this book, although many are long or require further reading to understand fully. Here are a few I think you might enjoy.

"The reality is, no matter how hard you try or what you do, you cannot control other people. And yet, you live your life as if you can." p.12

"The truth is, other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them." p.18

"...other people should be one of the greatest sources of happiness, support, and love in your life. But they can't be if you keep trying to control what they feel, say, and do." p.32

"By the way, people who love you think bad thoughts about you...every day! I have bad thoughts about the people I love every day! That is normal. To prove it, I'll go first..." p.86

"Adults, at their core, are just as emotional as children." p.111 (a section titled When Grown-Ups Throw Tantrums) :-)

"There are two different types of comparison that people engage in: torture or teacher." p.134

"There are three factors that I believe make great friendships possible: proximity, timing, and energy...When friends drift away, fall apart, or lose touch, it is because one or more of these essential pillars is missing." p.161 (I think this is true for family relationships too)

I could keep going on with more quotes, but I think I have made my point. I thought this book was great and I will probably reread it later this year to cement more of its contents into my brain.

Buy the Book

What are you waiting for? Get your copy of The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins today!

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Pick up some BOOK DARTS while you're at it.

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